


Monster of the Week

by ImagineDragonflys



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, i had an idea so i did it, if griffins gonna kill characters he has to live with the consequences, these characters arent being tortured enough so im doing it myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineDragonflys/pseuds/ImagineDragonflys
Summary: "Aubrey Little is not okay. Not that anyone has asked her."Aubrey and Duck finally have a talk about Ned Chicane. (aka Griffin's too much of a coward to give me this scene)





	Monster of the Week

**Author's Note:**

> *SPOILER ALERT* The monster is grief. I had this idea so I wanted to try writing it, hopefully the next ep doesn't make it immediately obsolete. This is my first angst fic so I hope it's alright! Enjoy!

Aubrey Little is not okay. Not that anyone has asked her. Not even Duck but in a way it's unsurprising. He's never seemed like a Let's Talk Candidly About Our Grief kind of guy, especially not with the apocalypse on their doorstep. And she gets it, really, she does. There's some pressing, world-ending shit going on so she puts on a brave face and does what needs to get done. But- For God's sake Ned  _ died _ and it seems like everyone has half-forgotten about it already. 

The only one who mentions him is Duck. Never in any circumstance outside of reminding everyone what’s at stake. The way he brings Ned's name into conversation like a mantra, like a rallying cry, but never to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Like Edmund Chicane is some inspirational icon and not an empty space around their table. Like he’s an abstract sacrifice toward their cause and not a gaping sense of emptiness in their conversations.

So Aubrey tries to go on as normal and she knows Duck does too. But there are moments it's so easy to forget, especially here in the thick of the hunt. Duck will turn to his left with a deadpan face ready to deliver some sardonic remark only to be faced with open air. Each time he rights himself quickly, a placid look sliding over his face. He thinks no one notices. Aubrey does. Sometimes, when she jokes around with Barclay she’ll make a mental note to recount it to Ned but… well. Or Aubrey will remember Ned's confession out of nowhere and be gripped by rage just to find herself seconds later feeling hollow as she remembers that anger no longer has a target. 

It's hardest though when they’re in the Cryptonomica. Every time the bell on the door rings as someone steps in there's a split second she always thinks it's him. Or in the quiet moments, when she hears the building creek and settle, Aubrey thinks the noise could be Ned shuffling around in the back room. Or other times. When she's not here on business. When it's late at night and the shop is quiet and empty and so unlike the cramped space at Duck's apartment complex. Instead of being overcrowded with people, the Cryptonomica is almost eerily empty. Ned’s office, in particular, feels hollow. The air stale and warm. A faint layer of dust just beginning to settle over everything. Nights like this, Aubrey will sit at Ned's desk and grant herself a brief reprieve. Takes off the mask that projects the person everyone needs her to be right now. And in these moments she swears that if she listens hard enough she can hear Ned, faintly, like an echo of him that lives inside the walls and only reveals itself to her.

Aubrey hasn’t cried. Not since that night. There are far too many things to get done and too many people relying on her to have some clue what the hell she’s even doing. Her mind is a mess and even if she had any idea what their best course of action is she would barely have time to think about it without these intrusive thoughts interrupting.

Ned’s death. This  _ thing.  _ This horrible truth, it just clouds around her all day like a haze that she can see through. It’s like looking through a cracked windshield, she can occasionally become so focused she can look ignore it but if her attention wanes for even a second it becomes all she can focus on. 

Aubrey levels her elbows against the desk, face pressed into her hands. The Cryptonomica creeks idly.

_ Why did I have to yell at him? If I hadn’t he wouldn’t’ve- But he deserved it I couldn’t just let that go. He should’ve listened to me. Why didn’t he just  _ listen _ ?  _

She takes what she intends to be a steadying breath but it comes out shaky. The room is dead the air unmoving, breathing is no comfort or relief. If anything, it feels more suffocating.

_ It’s not fair,  _ Aubrey thinks,  _ I wasn’t done being mad at him yet. _

She presses her palms into her eyes, fighting off tears that won’t manifest. 

_ Deep breaths, now isn't the time. _

But then- 

_ Creeeeek. _

Something shifts in the gallery of the Cryptonomica. Aubrey might not have heard but for her constant heightened state of awareness in the heat of their tumultuous battle against near-certain doom.

Aubrey stood up, leaning over the desk. She snapped her fingers. Bringing a small spark to her hand. Illuminating a small space around her, the dusty desk and the letter she'd read too many times to count but still not taken from its resting place among the miscellaneous documents Ned kept. 

Aubrey waited.

The door to Ned's office slowly swung open.

Through the gloom and the heavy air, Aubrey saw Duck looking far more tired than he seemed in the daytime. To anyone else it might overlooked as a consequence of the hour, it was late after all they must be tired. But Aubrey knew better.

"Oh. Hey, Duck..." she said simply. She left the flame to illuminate them but the tension released from her stance.

"What're you doing here so late?" Duck asked as if his own presence wasn't equally strange.

Aubrey sighed, settling back into Ned’s chair, arm still extended, "Just thinking, I guess."

She tries to sound nonchalant but there's a faint break in her voice toward the end of her sentence and Duck's careful stoneface cracks into one of subtle concern. He takes a few more steps into the office, glancing around casually. Or at least what would be casual to anyone but Aubrey. But she sees his eyes catch on the Saturday Night Dead poster (Ned had is specially made). Or the way his expression turns dead when his eyes land on the Crepes By Monica truck keys still sitting on the desk where someone left them weeks ago. 

Duck slowly takes a seat across the desk from her. For a long, weighted moment they say nothing. Aubrey waits for him to speak. He doesn’t.

"I can't keep doing this, Duck."

He looks confused for a moment, "Wha-"

"I can't keep pretending this isn't fucking awful," Aubrey gazes at him, the fire in her hand glinting off of her two now completely orange eyes.

Duck doesn't say anything.

"How does it not drive you crazy? To see them, everyday planning and scheming and forgetting he was ever even here in the first place?"

Duck's eyes soften and Aubrey feels something deep and painful break inside of her, like a dam that had been holding back all of the chaos she'd been carefully containing had been let loose.

"He gave his life for Dani and we don't even know why, Duck. Doesn’t that drive you crazy? Do you know what the last thing I said to him was? I told him I never wanted to see him again- But still! He did that. He  _ died _ to keep Dani safe and for the life of me I can't understand why! Why can't it be more simple? He's done so much bad but he's done just as much good. I hate him but I also love him. He feels like family but he turned out to be a stranger. He's gone but I can't let him go. It’s all too much. How am I the only one who sees how fucked up this is?!? I know there's a war. I  _ know _ there's a lot more going on here than me and you and Ned  _ goddamn _ Chicane but fuck, I can't keep pretending this is all alright for the sake of pushing forward."

After months of stifling and strength and resolve and "later" her facade crumbled. Hot tears stream down her cheeks as Aubrey looks toward Duck seeking answers she knows he cannot provide. His eyes are wet, even from the dim light still coming from her ignited flame she can tell. He seems more than a little dumbstruck, trying to collect himself.

Aubrey takes deep breaths, pressing her palms to her eyes once again.

Goddamnit, she's barely more than a  _ kid _ how in the hell is she meant to handle this. The struggle of loving someone and hating them and having none of it matter in the slightest because they aren't around for you to love or hate in the first place. Isn't that the most unfair part? She can't work out these feelings because Ned is just  _ gone _ . And now she just exists with this anger and resentment and love and no outlet for any of it. And no time to resolve it or store it away because there's a war on her doorstep that could decide the fate of not just one but two different worlds. Aubrey wants to scream. She wants to start screaming and never stop. Isn't this too much to expect? She barely understands her powers or her feelings or ADULTHOOD how is she meant to cope with confusing, infuriating loss on top of all of this? How is she meant to rally people to her cause when it's already cost her so much? How is she meant to carry on as if this is something they will ever, ever be free of. They won't. At least, she won't. Even if Sylvain is saved, this cut runs too deep to ever truly heal. It will bleed and bleed. It will demand her constant companionship or risk her ruin. 

Moments dragged on stiflingly slow. Aubrey could see every step in Duck's processing as he took in her outburst. Through the dim light she sees his face settle in to what she could only assume to be resignation. He sighs.

“Aubrey…” he stutters what follows, “I-I knew Ned a long time. I… As strange as it is to think, he is, er, he was one of my closest friends. And obviously this isn’t an easy thing. It’s spectacularly fucked up. But, Aubrey, I need you to understand. If I let myself  _ feel _ this. Look this fact in the face and accept it as true… I wouldn’t be able to do what I need to do. People are counting on me. And they’re counting on you too. So, for now, I  _ can’t _ , because if I let that thought in, Aubrey, it’s gonna take me out.”

“But-” Aubrey starts.

“I get it,” Duck scrubs a hand over his face, looking somehow even more exhausted in the dim light. It starts to flicker in her as Aubrey grows more frustrated, “Trust me, I do. Every time we stand around this goddamn building and act like everything is normal, it takes everything I have to stop myself from making a mess of things.”

He sighs again, “I wish we had more time. I wish there was some way we could try and fix all of this. Or make people give a shit. Or stop the world from ending so we could be given the courtesy of acknowledging this whole fuckin’ mess as more than just a waypoint on our road to the apocalypse but we don’t. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

A heavy silence spreads between them. They’ve spent months decidedly Not Talking about this and yet Aubrey feels now that the floodgates are open, there’s more she doesn’t understand than ever. 

“Do you, uh,” Duck starts, “D’you remember that letter.”

Aubrey laughs hollowly, “You mean  _ the letter _ ? Duh.”

She pulls it from where it’s tucked on the desk.

“It’s just- it’s weird y’know. He wrote a goodbye and you told him to leave but he didn’t and still…” Duck gestures vaguely but somehow Aubrey understands,  _ And he still left just not how you wanted. _

“Duck, I need you to know. This isn’t at all what I wanted. I told him to leave but I didn’t mean- not like this, never like this… I wouldn’t…”

“I know.”

“It’s my fault.”

“Aubrey-”

“It is! Whether I want it to be or not, I was the last one who saw him before he went to the gate. If I’d just… If he’d just…” she takes an uneasy breath, throat tight, “I should hate him. And I do, sort of. Sometimes. He hurt me. Lied to me for  _ months _ . I have more reason to want to just forget Ned Chicane than anyone else in this goddamn town and yet, I feel like I’m the only one who even remembers him most of the time! I don’t know what to do, Duck!”

Aubrey’s gaze bore into him as she took what felt like her first breath in minutes, still dusty, still stale, still unfulfilling. Her eyes burned.

Duck returns her stare for a moment, “I miss him too, “ he says plainly.

The flame sputters out in Aubrey’s hand. Her fingers curling into a fist, nails digging into her palm. Her orange eyes burn fiercely before they, too, sputter and a tear drops onto the dusty desk, sending particles flying. Moments later her cheeks are soaked, coated in uncomfortably warm tears as she silently begs Duck for answers he cannot provide. Instead of words, he stretches his hand across the desk.

Instead of taking it, Aubrey pushes herself from Ned’s old office chair and walks around the desk to him, leaning down to throw her arms around his shoulders. She presses her face against the collar of his shirt and lets her tears fall. For a moment, he hesitates unsure of himself. Then his arms wrap tightly, protectively around her back pulling her closer. Duck blinks rapidly, staving off his own tears. Aubrey lets out a shaky breath.

“It’s not your fault,” Duck says simply and holds her tighter. She almost believes him.

They stay like that for what could be minutes, hours, days but was likely only seconds. The only two people left in the world who know this immense pain. Of having your ragtag monster-hunting family of three abruptly ripped apart, losing a limb in the eleventh hour. Of losing a strange man who did terrible things, who lied and will never face justice for it. Of losing an ordinary man who did extraordinary things for no other reason than to keep his friends safe. The very unique pain of having loved and lost Edmond Chicane. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is whole fic is just to say: @ griffin let them TALK in canon or fight me behind the arby's
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any comments or critique! Follow me @sheriffofmagic on tumblr for taz stuff :)


End file.
